Whenever I study images like this which is every day , I try to apply the message to myself to aid progression. I then decided that I will share my thoughts on the images that touch me the most here on my blog. As I am writing this I think to myself these messages will be seen by random people that will have an insight to your personal thoughts and feelings maybe you should put this in a personal diary however I am sure I’m not the only person in the world that has these thoughts and feelings so here goes.
I had a good childhood with a mother that adored me and made me feel special. I had a sporadic relationship with my father. I’m not entirely sure where these unspoken rules came from but I some how picked up that to put myself first meant that I was self centered. To look at myself and admire myself meant that I was vain, to be confident made people uncomfortable so I should tone it down a bit. I naturally aid others if it is within my power but found myself aiding people to my own detriment and again somehow picked up that these actions contributed to me being a nice person, even if I was left drained, tired and unsupported.
These actions created a cycle of me feeling tired, drained, ugly and used. The way I saw my beauty would depend on how someone else saw it, in other words outside validation meant more to me than my own opinion of myself. I would become angry when (and this happened often) I asked my friends for support on a matter and they would not do it for me or say yes and let me down at the last minute. I found myself in one way dialogues with people that were only interested in dumping there thoughts and feelings on me and only wanted me to speak if it were to aid them not if it was about something that was important to me. Victim Victim Victim.
I then started my journey of self love and self discovery and now know to crown myself a victim was not noble to me, to wait for outside validation of my personality or appearance determine how I felt about myself was ludicrous. To compare myself with what society determines as beauty was only setting myself up disappointment, and to keep giving my energy away and then complain that I was tired was my fault!
I have cleared the people out of my life that I believe to be draining and feel no remorse for doing that. I look inside and outside of myself and love what I see, I now believe I am the best friend to the friends I have left because of my love for myself but most importantly I am my own best friend